Joel Rakower, the New Yorker who smuggled 40,000 man-eating piranhas into the U.S.

Uh oh...what was this guy thinking?  The last thing America needs right now is the illegal immigration of 40,000 homicidal fish. The pacu fish scare may have turned out to be (mainly) a hoax, but piranhas are the real deal! This is the fish you order for the mote in your supervillain-style lair.

Joel Rakower, the New York City piranha smuggler in question, may or may not be a henchman for some Dr. Evil wannabe. His evil plot was actually very simple; he smuggled the piranhas into the country from a supplier in Hong Kong labeled as a harmless aquarium fish.  Now he's agreed to pay $70,000 in fines, and "his company" is on probation. But somehow, I don't think this is going to be the last we hear of Mr. Rakower. A slap on the wrist is not going to phase Joel - the guy works with sinister piranhas who've just come off a long-haul flight!

It's safe to say we've found one American who is clearly not afraid of piranhas. Interestingly, the rest of us in the U.S.A. have former President Teddy Roosevelt to thank for our healthy fear of the flesh-shredding swimmers. In 1914, Roosevelt published an account of his adventures in the Brazilian rainforest and described piranhas as "the most ferocious fish in the world," who will, "snap a finger off a hand incautiously trailed in the water," and will "devour alive any wounded man or beast." He went on to depict their razor-sharp teeth, their "malignant eyes," their "evil ferocity," their "savage fury," and just to make sure everyone was thoroughly terrified, their "extraordinary squealing sound."

Apparently, Joel did not get the memo.

The embodiment of all evil


New York man pleads guilty to smuggling nearly 40,000 piranhas into the U.S.

Neak Ta, the Cambodian spirits causing mass factory faintings

A New York Times op-ed last week introduced the rest of us to the neak ta, Cambodian spirits who cause mass faintings of garment factory workers when they're not respected. That respect often involves a sacrificial chicken.  Interestingly, the neak ta have also been possessing the bodies of female workers and winning them better wages, succeeding where organizing efforts have failed.  Cambodian factory owners are apparently much more open to placating a deity than negotiating with a union.

The neak ta are guardian spirits that predate Buddhism and are believed to keep watch over a specific piece of land.  Often, their ire is inadvertently raised by hasty factory construction practices, for example, cutting down a banyan tree where a spirit has lived for thousands of years.  When the spirit is insulted, he gets his revenge on the owners by causing the factory's predominantly female work staff to pass out en masse and shut down production.  After that happens, most of the managers seem to take the neak ta more seriously.  Typically, the spirit communicates his demands to management by entering the body of one of the workers.  Popular demands from the supernatural beings include food, cigarettes, and better working conditions for the women.

A banyan tree, possibly inhabited by neak ta

Kayla Shavers: Unfit Mother...or Hogzilla Hunter?

The great wild hog menace sweeping across America is well-documented by now.  So can we blame Florida's Kayla Marie Shavers for leaving her nine-year-old and eight-month-old children in the car to go hunt possible candidates for Hogzilla III?  True to form, the hogs had been ransacking her property, and Kayla was fed up. It was just under 40 degrees outside, and Shavers's older child, who didn't appreciate being left in the cold car, called the police in to rescue him.  The hog-hunting mom was arrested for child neglect, and presumably, the menacing feral pigs escaped once again.

Kayla Shavers dispute the charges and claims she left the little complainer the keys to start the car if he needed to warm up.  But is the issue really whether this kid should be a little bit tougher, or is the issue that she left a nine-year-old in charge of a baby and a car? Clearly, Shavers thinks this is the kind of thing you have to do to nab a wild boar.

Florida Woman Left Young Kids in Car to Go Hog Hunting: Deputies

The Litigious Portlandia Pimp

Sirgiorgio Clardy, a pimp from Portland, Oregon, is suing the Nike tennis shoe company for failing to warn him that it might be dangerous to savagely beat customers and employees with their shoes. The short-tempered pimp is seeking $100 million dollars in damages, $1 million dollars for each of the 100 years he has been sentenced to prison for a vicious attack on a tight-fisted john and one of his prostitutes.  The crux of his whimsical legal argument is that Sirgiorgio (almost certain to be a made-up name) received a heftier punishment because the court in Oregon classified his Nike shoe as a "dangerous weapon."  Clardy claims Nike should have put a warning on or inside the sneakers alerting the wearer that the shoe could inflict serious bodily harm if employed in a homicidal frenzy. Sir Giorgio, excuse me, Sirgiorgio, is not just a violent maniac. He is a violent maniac with a very active imagination.

Warning: Not suitable for a mild beat-down


Pimp sues Nike for not warning shoes could be dangerous if used to beat people

La Befana, domestic goddess

Tonight is a special night in Italy, because La Befana is coming!  La Befana is an old woman who flies around on a broomstick with a big bag of candy visiting all the children's houses to fill their stockings.  You know the drill.  The children leave out a little wine and food to welcome (bribe) La Befana.  If the children have been good, they will get some treats.  If they've been bad, they will get a lump of coal.  La Befana loves to clean, so she might even sweep your house a bit when she comes!  Yea, she's a little OCD.

For anyone keeping track, the arrival of La Befana coincides with the Christian Feast of the Epiphany, also known as the twelfth day of Christmas, which marks the end of the period known as Christmastide or Yuletide.  This means Christmas is officially over, so you can take down your decorations.  Maybe La Befana will tidy up for you.