The Lemurs of Madagascar

Lemurs are creatures found solely on the isolated island of Madagascar off the east coast of Africa, a place of astonishing biological wonders. They are little, furry primates resembling the ancient ancestors of monkeys, remarkably similar to long-extinct animals revealed in sixty million year old fossils.  The lemurs of today have large eyes, wet, long snouts similar to a dog's nose, and somewhat resemble cats, squirrels, and mice.

There are around sixty different types of lemurs in Madagascar, from the pygmy mouse lemur, the tiniest of the lemurs and the world's smallest primate, to the Indri, the largest of the lemurs who are famous for singing like whales.  Lemurs mainly live in the top tree canopy of rainforests and jungle.  Sadly, deforestation in Madagascar has decimated lemurs' habitats, and combined with some hunting, has landed all lemurs squarely on the endangered species list.  President Rajaonarimampianina, the new leader of Madagascar, has taken an interest in lemur conservation since gaining power.  The President has been working with foreign conservation groups to improve conditions and prospects for the lemurs.  In October 2014, Madagascar hosted the first "World Lemur Festival," which ended in "World Lemur Day" on October 31st. (When you dress up as a lemur for Halloween, you are celebrating two holidays at once.)

If you visit Madagascar, local guides and various companies from the burgeoning eco-tourism industry will be happy to take you out on a trek to see the captivating lemurs.  Or if you're in the United States, you can visit the Duke University Lemur Center in North Carolina.  For $95, you can watch lemurs fingerpaint on the "Painting with Lemurs" tour.  You choose three colors for the lemurs to work with, and they let you keep the painting. That's a conversation starter!

Austria's Missing Election Gnomes

Garden gnomes are mischievous creatures.  But when 400 of the pint-sized, elf-like men were enlisted to endorse the Austrian Social Democratic party in an upcoming election and then suddenly walked off the job, party leader Michael Ritsch cried sabotage.  Ritsch blamed the arch-rival of the Social Democrats, the Austrian People's Party. Despite their center-right platform emphasizing respect for tradition and social order, Ritsch accuses his political opponents of kidnapping the jolly gnomes.

But are gnomes the most trustworthy colleagues?  The group of gnomes in question were attached to lamp posts.  Perhaps that was more than they bargained for when they abandoned the relative comfort of the garden to enter the dirty world of politics.

The caper started because the Social Democrats were banking on Austrian voters' fervor for garden gnomes. The idea was for the gnomes to serve as mascots and perhaps use their magical powers to sway the electorate towards more socialist policies. Towards this end, the Social Democratic Party spent over $600,000 of taxpayer funds allotted for elections on the purchase of 20,000 little gnomes who go by the code name, "Coolmen."

This fact may be more disturbing than their mysterious disappearance.

Gnomes disappear in Austria and it's causing a political scandal

A Seagull Serial Killer Copycat?

About a year ago, Louisiana's Jackoby Bertot ran afoul of the Migratory Bird Act of 1918 for running over 49 defenseless seagulls with his truck in a shopping center parking lot outside New Orleans.  Now, 17 year old Wesley Franatovich has been arrested for the exact same crime in the exact same parking lot.  The teen killed two birds, which makes him our second seagull serial killer.  Whether he got the idea from reading about Bertot's crimes is unknown.  Most likely, he just couldn't resist the urge to scatter a flock of seagulls. However, his father says his darling son didn't mean to kill any birds while driving through the dense gathering of approximately 500 gulls and wants us to believe that young Wesley is just a bad driver.

This guy's not buying it.

http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2014/08/teen_arrested_accused_of_runni.html

The Mayor of Buford, Wyoming: Population 1

For nearly two decades, Don Sammons was the Mayor and single citizen of the town of Buford, Wyoming: the world's least populous town. His private municipality had its own general store, zip code, and maybe not much else, but it was home.

In 2012, Sammons sold the town to Vietnamese coffee entrepreneur Pham Dinh Nguyen for $900,000 in an internet auction.  Now Nguyen, the new lone resident and Mayor, has enlisted the former Mayor to help him run his Buford-based coffee business and continue influencing the future of the town he cared for for so long.  But perhaps you are wondering if there is a demand in America for Vietnamese coffee?  Don't we have enough java already?  The Vietnamese, in fact, are known for their coffee.  Specifically, they are celebrated for mixing delicious filter coffee with creamy condensed milk.  So Mr. Nguyen might be on to something.  We'll find out.

But this isn't just a story about the coffee business.  It's also a tragic love story.  Don Sammons originally bought the town of Buford in 1980 for his wife.  They arrived in their new domain, 8,000 feet above sea level, in a red convertible.  It was a terrible choice for the climate and prompted snickers from residents of neighboring towns.  But the Los Angeles couple wanted a new life in the country surrounded by rugged nature.  They pursued that dream together in Buford until Don's wife died six years later.  All the years that followed, Sammons never left the town.

So the romantic has been replaced by the entrepreneur.  And sure, Buford may be a little less poignant as a hub for Southeast Asian coffee importing.  But after two decades, we must wish Mr. Sammons the best of luck moving on and out.

One Person Wyoming Town Reopens as Vietnamese Coffee Hub

Rob Ford is back!

We can all sleep a little sounder at night, because Rob Ford has returned!  The prodigal, crack-smoking Mayor of Toronto reemerged a few weeks ago after a stint in a mysterious drug rehab facility in the States, and he's ready to get back to governin' and running his reelection campaign.  Of course, the rehab facility in question may or may not exist.  If you remember the Mayor's departure, he described his destination as a clinic in the Chicago area that many pundits noted bore no resemblance to any drug rehabilitation center in existence in that area.  There was also suspicion that he never crossed the Canadian border.  Add to that the fact that Mayor Ford specifically made a point to not promise that he won't relapse, and there are a lot of questions regarding whether The Mayor has really given up his habits of copious boozing and then, in his words, "trying every drug in existence."  In unrelated news, he told a reporter yesterday,  "I have never quit anything in my life."

The Tasmanian Devil

While we're on the subject of animals terrorizing Australia, this is a good time to take a closer look at the Tasmanian Devil. While many of us outside of the island state of Tasmania might associate the Tasmanian Devil with the Looney Tunes cartoon character, real tasmanian devils are very interesting, albeit emotionally unstable animals. Like the cartoon version, tasmanian devils in the wild will eat just about anything, and they use their powerful jaws to devour all parts of their prey in an uncontrollable rage. They were named "devils" in part after humans witnessed their eating habits. But in fact, these marsupials fly into a frightening, psychotic rage pretty much anytime something doesn't go their way, such as when they encounter rival males or predators.  Combined with their pungent, foul odor and the belief that they were attacking livestock, tasmanian devils didn't traditionally win many human friends.

That has changed recently. Since the 1990s, tasmanian devil populations haven been fighting a contagious cancer called devil facial tumor disease. The facial cancer epidemic causes the normally ravenous devils to eventually die of starvation, and in a twist of fate, humans are now working to save them.

[Tasmanian Devil markingsCC BY-SA 2.0

Willis Lim - http://www.flickr.com/photos/willislim/3172976845/in/photostream/]

Cane Toads

In certain regions of Australia, cane toads are everywhere.  In fact, there are so many giant cane toads littering fields and roads that locals play a game to see how many they can hit with their car. The unattractive, bulbous creatures are not native to Australia and are considered an invading menace by the population.

Cane toads were originally brought into the country from Hawaii in the 1930s in the hope that they would eat and eradicate the cane beetle, a pest which at the time was devastating the sugar cane harvest.  That didn't work.  Instead, the original 3,000 cane toads proceeded to lay oodles of tadpoles, multiply like wildfire, and cover the region like a plague.  Today, cane toads blanket several states of Australia and continue to expand at an alarming rate.

To learn more about cane toads, their sworn enemies, and the strange few who love them, check out the highly entertaining film Cane Toads: An Unnatural History or the recent sequel Cane Toads: The Conquest.

The "Bread & Briefs" Thief

I feel a little guilty posting about the man in New York who went out for the day wearing only his underwear, stole a bread truck, and started making deliveries.  He sounds less wackadoodle than certifiably crazy, and I really don't want to make fun of a sick man. But I have overruled my conscience, because what this bandit did was sort of poignant.

The 30 year old, scantily clad Long Island man in question stole a bakery delivery truck filled with approximately $8,000 of fancy bread and started making the deliveries based on the route posted inside the truck.  After a few drop-offs, he went rogue and started throwing the bread out the window like a paper boy. Once he ran out of projectile baguettes, he began tailgating and harassing a limo driver, seemingly for no reason, which led to his eventual apprehension and arrest.

I love the accelerated rate of transformations this failed criminal experienced. He started out wanting to be a car thief, but somehow, was seduced by the prospect of a straight life as a bakery deliveryman. For a while, he tried to fulfill this fantasy of a stable, scheduled existence, trudging along, visiting his regular customers, offering a friendly wave - albeit in his underwear. But the monotony got to him, and in minutes he flashed forward to a midlife crisis-style nervous breakdown. Then he went into class warfare mode and started harassing a limousine. But this ultimately did nothing to irritate the fat cats.  The limo was empty, and he only ended up harassing the chauffeur and making life harder for a fellow working man.

A failure on all fronts.

http://gothamist.com/2014/05/21/man_steals_upper_east_side_bread_tr.php#.

Rob Ford Vanishes!

For those of you keeping up with your Rob Ford news, everyone's favorite crack-smoking alcoholic who is also in charge of a major Canadian metropolis has gone missing. Sound the Amber Ale alert!

Toronto's notorious but strangely lovable Mayor suffered further embarrassment recently when yet another video surfaced of the eccentric politician smoking crack cocaine. If this footage keeps popping up at this rate, there will be enough material for a "Rob Ford Smokes Crack" boxset to bring to the White Elephant party next Christmas. But in the meantime, the Mayor must be found!

Ford's recent disappearance from City Hall has all the villagers guessing where he could be hiding. His fiercely loyal brother claims the Mayor has entered an alcohol rehab program in Chicago; the only catch is that there is no alcohol treatment facility fitting his description in Chicago.  Border agents for the U.S. say there is suggestive evidence that the Mayor never even crossed the border.  So where is Mayor Ford?  Surely, all the crackhouses in Canada have already been checked. Is he holed up in a basement somewhere? Running around Toronto in a clever disguise? Let's get looking.

The Valais Blacknose Sheep

This type of sheep looks like a cross between a child's stuffed animal and a cartoon drawing of a sheep.  The audaciously cute (though fake-looking) creature dwells in the Valais region of Switzerland, hence the name.  Fun fact: Valais is famous as the home of the Matterhorn, one of the highest peaks in The Alps and the inspiration for a pretty fun ride at Disneyland. But back to the animals...

Let's take a look at some typical sheep:

Pretty basic.  Now, brace yourself for the Valais Blacknose Sheep:

Woah!  What an improvement!

I wish all sheep looked like this.

Carrie "Hatchet" Nation

I was watching the Ken Burns documentary on prohibition recently and saw a profile of Carrie Nation, a wild woman who used to smash up saloons with a hatchet. Carrie Hatchet, as she came to be known, was a temperance advocate who had lost a husband to alcoholism and a few years later heard a voice from God urging her to wreak havoc on poison peddlers.  I couldn't believe I had  never heard of her before; this woman was a grade A wackadoodle!

At the time, women were not even served in bars and saloons.  (Ironically, bars did not become co-ed in the United States until the speakeasy era during Prohibition.)  The six-foot tall Nation traveled around the country, starting in Kansas, astonishing bartenders and their patrons by entering and proceeding to smash up the bar and liquor bottles with her signature hatchet until the police arrived to arrest her.  Needless to say, she racketed up an extensive arrest record over the years. She also became quite a famous woman, supporting herself in her later years by selling tiny souvenir hatchets and making celebrity appearances at vaudeville houses and lecture halls.

Time travelers from the turn of the century would be astonished to learn that most people today have never even heard of the notorious Carrie Hatchet.  I am a bit astonished myself that Nation's fame has not persisted; she is one of our more interesting historical figures! Hopefully, we can do a small part to keep her crazy memory alive.

The Tapir, a truly strange looking, but also surprisingly cute animal

The Tapir is one of those animals you may not have ever heard of.  It's sort of like a cross between a pig and an anteater...and let's face it - the taper is basically ugly.  Sorry, tapir.

But there's more to tapirs than meets the eye.  For example, male tapirs have exceptionally large penises. Also, their nostrils look like side by side vacuum hoses.  Interestingly, they are a relative of rhinoceroses and horses. Tapirs can live in dry climates, but when they live near water, they spend a lot of time swimming.  When they swim, they use their funny noses as snorkels.  Wait a minute...getting cuter?

There are a lot of different types of tapirs, but the cool thing is they all look the same as babies, which is like this:

No matter what color or type or region of the world the tapir is from, the baby sports this adorable stripes and spots pattern. The purpose of the pattern is probably some helpful camouflage to make the babies less vulnerable to predators. Whatever the reason, if you google photos of baby tapirs, don't blame me if this dark horse-rhino-pig becomes your new favorite animal.

The Zulu Witch Doctor Weatherman

Despite the freezing rain in the forecast for Mardi Gras Day in New Orleans, the beautifully-plumed Zulu Witch Doctor came on the news to predict there would be sunshine by noon.  It didn't exactly work out like that, but the Doctor's confident delivery still convinced a lot of people to brave the elements and head out to the parades.

Check out the video here:

http://www.wdsu.com/news/entertainment/carnival-central-extended-coverage/despite-zulu-witch-doctor-prayers-rain-expected-for-mardi-gras/24791250#mid=18534990

Pierre the Pelican after Plastic Surgery

Do you remember how Pierre the Pelican, the New Orleans Pelicans NBA team's new mascot, was terrifying everyone on the internet?  The newly minted bird monster was parodied in just about every creative way possible.  He was photoshopped into Edvard Munch's The Scream, stills of Carrie, The Shining,and just about every other horror movie ever made, and on and on.  Well apparently, Pierre let all the criticism get to him and negatively affect his self-esteem, because he's just undergone massive plastic surgery. Pierre revealed his "new face" at the 2014 NBA All-Star game. His doctored beak now looks closer to a real pelican than an evil clown, though he still isn't what we could really call attractive. But with plastic surgery, where does it end?

Let's do the comparison:

A real pelican

Scary Pierre the Pelican BEFORE

Pierre the Pelican POST-OP

The First United Naked Church of Virginia

In nudist news, a Christian church outside of Richmond, Virginia, has been successfully holding all their services in the buff.  The members of the congregation and their Pastor Allen Parker say the nakedness is symbolic of the equality among all people before God and is not at all sexy.  Pastor Parker went on to say that the whole point is "baring his soul to Christ, " and no, he did not start giggling when he said this.  I've seen a documentary on nudist colonies, and I have to say I fully believe him regarding the unsexiness factor; nudism doesn't seem to be a magnet for the most attractive members of the population. And while I agree that clothes can really differentiate members of a community and identify disparities in economic and social status, there is already a solution for this - uniforms.  These people just need to send an order off for some matching robes or jumpsuits or whatever they wear in North Korea.

My favorite part of this church is that many members still come to the services naked in the winter - when the temperature regularly dips into the 20s and they're freezing and shivering.  Now that is dedication!  Church ladies everywhere need to step up their game.

[PHOTO CENSORED!]

Central VA Congregation worships nude

Joel Rakower, the New Yorker who smuggled 40,000 man-eating piranhas into the U.S.

Uh oh...what was this guy thinking?  The last thing America needs right now is the illegal immigration of 40,000 homicidal fish. The pacu fish scare may have turned out to be (mainly) a hoax, but piranhas are the real deal! This is the fish you order for the mote in your supervillain-style lair.

Joel Rakower, the New York City piranha smuggler in question, may or may not be a henchman for some Dr. Evil wannabe. His evil plot was actually very simple; he smuggled the piranhas into the country from a supplier in Hong Kong labeled as a harmless aquarium fish.  Now he's agreed to pay $70,000 in fines, and "his company" is on probation. But somehow, I don't think this is going to be the last we hear of Mr. Rakower. A slap on the wrist is not going to phase Joel - the guy works with sinister piranhas who've just come off a long-haul flight!

It's safe to say we've found one American who is clearly not afraid of piranhas. Interestingly, the rest of us in the U.S.A. have former President Teddy Roosevelt to thank for our healthy fear of the flesh-shredding swimmers. In 1914, Roosevelt published an account of his adventures in the Brazilian rainforest and described piranhas as "the most ferocious fish in the world," who will, "snap a finger off a hand incautiously trailed in the water," and will "devour alive any wounded man or beast." He went on to depict their razor-sharp teeth, their "malignant eyes," their "evil ferocity," their "savage fury," and just to make sure everyone was thoroughly terrified, their "extraordinary squealing sound."

Apparently, Joel did not get the memo.

The embodiment of all evil


New York man pleads guilty to smuggling nearly 40,000 piranhas into the U.S.

Neak Ta, the Cambodian spirits causing mass factory faintings

A New York Times op-ed last week introduced the rest of us to the neak ta, Cambodian spirits who cause mass faintings of garment factory workers when they're not respected. That respect often involves a sacrificial chicken.  Interestingly, the neak ta have also been possessing the bodies of female workers and winning them better wages, succeeding where organizing efforts have failed.  Cambodian factory owners are apparently much more open to placating a deity than negotiating with a union.

The neak ta are guardian spirits that predate Buddhism and are believed to keep watch over a specific piece of land.  Often, their ire is inadvertently raised by hasty factory construction practices, for example, cutting down a banyan tree where a spirit has lived for thousands of years.  When the spirit is insulted, he gets his revenge on the owners by causing the factory's predominantly female work staff to pass out en masse and shut down production.  After that happens, most of the managers seem to take the neak ta more seriously.  Typically, the spirit communicates his demands to management by entering the body of one of the workers.  Popular demands from the supernatural beings include food, cigarettes, and better working conditions for the women.

A banyan tree, possibly inhabited by neak ta

Kayla Shavers: Unfit Mother...or Hogzilla Hunter?

The great wild hog menace sweeping across America is well-documented by now.  So can we blame Florida's Kayla Marie Shavers for leaving her nine-year-old and eight-month-old children in the car to go hunt possible candidates for Hogzilla III?  True to form, the hogs had been ransacking her property, and Kayla was fed up. It was just under 40 degrees outside, and Shavers's older child, who didn't appreciate being left in the cold car, called the police in to rescue him.  The hog-hunting mom was arrested for child neglect, and presumably, the menacing feral pigs escaped once again.

Kayla Shavers dispute the charges and claims she left the little complainer the keys to start the car if he needed to warm up.  But is the issue really whether this kid should be a little bit tougher, or is the issue that she left a nine-year-old in charge of a baby and a car? Clearly, Shavers thinks this is the kind of thing you have to do to nab a wild boar.

Florida Woman Left Young Kids in Car to Go Hog Hunting: Deputies

The Litigious Portlandia Pimp

Sirgiorgio Clardy, a pimp from Portland, Oregon, is suing the Nike tennis shoe company for failing to warn him that it might be dangerous to savagely beat customers and employees with their shoes. The short-tempered pimp is seeking $100 million dollars in damages, $1 million dollars for each of the 100 years he has been sentenced to prison for a vicious attack on a tight-fisted john and one of his prostitutes.  The crux of his whimsical legal argument is that Sirgiorgio (almost certain to be a made-up name) received a heftier punishment because the court in Oregon classified his Nike shoe as a "dangerous weapon."  Clardy claims Nike should have put a warning on or inside the sneakers alerting the wearer that the shoe could inflict serious bodily harm if employed in a homicidal frenzy. Sir Giorgio, excuse me, Sirgiorgio, is not just a violent maniac. He is a violent maniac with a very active imagination.

Warning: Not suitable for a mild beat-down


Pimp sues Nike for not warning shoes could be dangerous if used to beat people

La Befana, domestic goddess

Tonight is a special night in Italy, because La Befana is coming!  La Befana is an old woman who flies around on a broomstick with a big bag of candy visiting all the children's houses to fill their stockings.  You know the drill.  The children leave out a little wine and food to welcome (bribe) La Befana.  If the children have been good, they will get some treats.  If they've been bad, they will get a lump of coal.  La Befana loves to clean, so she might even sweep your house a bit when she comes!  Yea, she's a little OCD.

For anyone keeping track, the arrival of La Befana coincides with the Christian Feast of the Epiphany, also known as the twelfth day of Christmas, which marks the end of the period known as Christmastide or Yuletide.  This means Christmas is officially over, so you can take down your decorations.  Maybe La Befana will tidy up for you.