The Litigious Portlandia Pimp

Sirgiorgio Clardy, a pimp from Portland, Oregon, is suing the Nike tennis shoe company for failing to warn him that it might be dangerous to savagely beat customers and employees with their shoes. The short-tempered pimp is seeking $100 million dollars in damages, $1 million dollars for each of the 100 years he has been sentenced to prison for a vicious attack on a tight-fisted john and one of his prostitutes.  The crux of his whimsical legal argument is that Sirgiorgio (almost certain to be a made-up name) received a heftier punishment because the court in Oregon classified his Nike shoe as a "dangerous weapon."  Clardy claims Nike should have put a warning on or inside the sneakers alerting the wearer that the shoe could inflict serious bodily harm if employed in a homicidal frenzy. Sir Giorgio, excuse me, Sirgiorgio, is not just a violent maniac. He is a violent maniac with a very active imagination.

Warning: Not suitable for a mild beat-down


Pimp sues Nike for not warning shoes could be dangerous if used to beat people