Monday, September 30, 2013

James Price, Last of the Alchemists

Poor James Price (1752-1783) was born in the wrong era. The English chemist practiced alchemy, the science of transforming boring base metals into shiny silver and gold. Alchemy had been a respected art/science blend in Europe since the Middle Ages, but by the late eighteenth century the popularity of The Scientific Method was starting to cause trouble for would-be alchemists. Science had rules now, thanks to The Enlightenment, and there was less and less room for flamboyant claims that couldn't be backed up by hard data. The clash of the ages proved to be too much pressure for alchemist James Price.  He committed suicide by drinking prussic acid at the start of the demonstration that was supposed to confirm his alchemy process was legit and could pass scientific muster. Presumably, it was not legit.

When European alchemy started, that was not so important to people. In Medieval times, alchemy was a true cross-disciplinary pursuit.  It combined philosophy, science, religion, and a good bit of showmanship. There were several different goals pursued by alchemists. Turning other metals into gold and finding the fountain of youth were two of the most popular, for obvious reasons.

Before his tragic death, Price held a series of experiments open to the public where he exhibited his power to turn metals like borax and mercury into gold and silver.  His secret ingredient was a mysterious powder mixture he called "the powder of production."  At first, Price convinced scientists, lawyers, members of the clergy and other authorities of his prowess - and got great press. Some of the gold he made during his demonstrations was even given to King George III!

Unfortunately, Price's success was short-lived.  Fellow scientists from The Fellows of the Royal Society insisted that he perform his alchemy experiment again for their witnesses; they argued that the scientific society's reputation was at stake. Price stalled. He protested that the proof they demanded would damage his health, reputation, and cost more money in materials than the precious metals he could produce.  But the Royal Society wouldn't budge, and Price finally agreed to submit his alchemy process to scientific scrutiny. When the would-be inspectors showed up for Price's demonstration, he drank home-made prussic acid poison and fell down dead. Alchemy has never been the same since.



Thursday, September 26, 2013

Jackoby Bertot, The Seagull Serial Killer

Birds everywhere can sleep better tonight after a terrifying seagull serial killer has been apprehended. The perp, Jackoby Bertot of Labadieville, Louisiana, is facing possible jail time for the brutal murders of forty-nine defenseless seagulls in a suburb of New Orleans. Allegedly, Bertot used his white pickup truck to run over the birds in the parking lots of various businesses; investigators say a surveillance tape from one of the businesses was key in cracking the case. Seagulls, surprising as it may seem, are protected under federal law by the Migratory Bird Act of 1918, which is being used to prosecute Bertot.

The deepest condolences are offered to the home colonies of the birds who have tragically passed away.  However, it must be admitted that gulls, though the victims in this shocking case, have garnered a fair amount of criticism themselves over the years. Some have called them "the rats of the sea" and condemned seagulls for pecking at whales, bugging people at the beach, and being obnoxiously loud. It is currently unknown what may have motivated Jackoby's savage killing spree, but psychologists may speculate whether he was harboring a grudge forged through bad experiences with gulls in the past - perhaps in his formative years.  While we can't put ourselves in the mind of such a ruthless killer, it is possible that a recent Gulf Coast vacation plagued by seagull droppings may have caused him to snap.

Authorities identify man accused of running over, killing 49 seagulls in Elmwood


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The much-maligned Pacu Fish and its human-like teeth

Is there anything creepier than a fish with human-looking teeth?  How about a fish with human-like teeth who is also a relative of man-eating piranhas?  If your nightmares have gotten a little stale lately and you're looking for some good fodder, meet the Pacu fish.


This fish could borrow your bottom retainer, and there is something very, very wrong about that. The good news is that pacu fish, unlike their evil piranha cousins, are vegetarians.  They do not have any reason to bite you, and they don't want to eat you.  I promise.  But despite their relative harmlessness, pacu fish have been making a scary splash in the news lately.

The headlines started getting out of control ever since rumors emerged that the fish were known to attack fishermen's testicles in South America.  The Danish government even jumped on the bandwagon and warned male swimmers to keep their swim suits "tightly tied" after a pacu fish was spotted in Scandinavian waters.  This announcement was later disclaimed as being more of a joke than serious advice, but that hasn't stopped the headline millers from having a field day.  And we have no shortage of examples:

Toothy pacu fish caught in Swedish waters; skinny dippers are warned

Never mind the pollocks: Testicle-eating pacu fish found in Paris could be coming to the UK

Now testicle-eating fish related to the piranha is caught in NEW JERSEY lake weeks after it was found in France

Watch Out, New Jersey: The Testicle-Eating Pacu Fish Is Here to Eat Your Balls

Testicle-Biting Fish May Be Invading Denmark

Killer fish with teeth? Danish swimmers escape water fearing killer...

Swedish men warned of crotch-chomping fish

Wait, now I actually feel bad for the pacu fish.  This is a media smear campaign if I've ever seen one.  Fortunately, CNN found a pacu expert who says this is all a misunderstanding and pacu fish are peaceful creatures who just love swimming around and eating the fallen fruits and nuts from riverbank trees.  Hmmm...hold on again.  Pacu love chomping fallen fruits and nuts, both of which are kind of round like a man's balls; I don't think this is going to reassure anyone!

The smear campaign continues.



Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Today's Wackadoodle - Mina Crandon

Also known as "Margery," the beautiful Mina Crandon was one of the most well known mediums and séance holders of the 1920s.  She is famous for drawing the ire of Harry Houdini, the famed escape artist, who went on a late career crusade against spiritualists, mediums, ghostbusters, and spirit photographers.

Margery enjoyed a cloak of legitimacy by being married to a distinguished Boston doctor and enjoying a coterie of respectable acquaintances.  She even counted Sir Arthur Conan Doyle as a fan.  Among her talents, she produced "ectoplasm," or ghost goo, created psychic thumb prints, made spirit voices while her mouth was supposedly filled with water, and appeared to grow a teleplasmic hand out of her vagina.

Crandon was a bona fide exhibitionist.  She performed a lot of her séances  in the nude, and reportedly would fall onto the laps of male participants during the ceremony, which may have contributed to her popularity.  Just for good measure, her creepy, death-obsessed husband Dr. Crandon would decorate the house with nude photos of her on séance days.  And if all that wasn't weird enough, the United States army would read her prayers. Say what?

Harry Houdini became suspicious of Mina Crandon after she was nominated for a prize given by the Scientific American magazine. The master illusionist's attempts to expose Crandon's tricks met with mixed success.  Her devoted supporters weren't interested in testing Margery's authenticity and were hostile to Houdini's efforts. However, Crandon was slowly discredited through the remainder of her life and beyond.

Ironically, considering Houdini's extensive campaign against spiritualism, he and his wife made plans to communicate from beyond the grave after his death. In fact, Houdini's wife held séances for ten years in a futile effort to contact him.  And while there are no known reports of paranormal enthusiasts attempting to contact the lovely Mina Crandon, Harry Houdini séances continue to this day.


Hogzilla Update!

We already know feral hogs are terrorizing Dallas, Texas, but now CBS Atlanta reports huge, wild hogs are intimidating residents in the Atlanta suburbs too!  America, we officially have a giant hog problem.  

Monday, September 23, 2013

The Republic of Užupis

"Everyone has a right to live by the River Vilnelé, and the River Vilnelé has a right to flow by everyone."  So begins the official constitution of the tiny Republic of Užupis.  Founded by artists and dreamers, the 148 acre enclave is located within the city of Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania.

Užupis officially declared itself a republic in 1997. Its constitution contains 39 articles, including "A dog has the right to be a dog."  Užupis also has its own flag, currency, government, national anthem, minuscule army, and occasionally stamps passports.

When my husband and I visited the Republic in the summer of 2012, we tried our best to look nonchalant as we searched Užupis for what we had heard was a "secret sculpture garden of penises."  We couldn't find it.  But we did find a stack of debris that upon closer inspection included disassembled penis sculptures!  If the sculpture garden will one day be reassembled must remain a mystery until our next visit.




Friday, September 20, 2013

Today's Wackadoodle - Count Chiquinho Scarpa

An eccentric Brazilian tycoon known as Count Scarpa is busy today preparing to bury his $500,000 Bentley so he can drive it in the afterlife. After watching a television show about Egyptian Pharaohs, Count Scarpa rented a bulldozer and started digging a hole in his garden for the prized vehicle.  But wait, does Scarpa also intend to be buried in the back yard? The Pharoahs' whole system was to be entombed with their possessions. Someone needs to tell Count Cuckoo that his plan may not work otherwise.

Among Chiquinho Scarpa's other achievements, he owns a bird with her own business cards and escaped death after he contracted deadly bacteria and slipped into a coma. His condition was so serious that a priest came in and anointed him for the Last Rites - twice.

The brush with death may have inspired the Count's new preoccupation with the afterlife. But if he wants to be like the Pharoahs, I'm afraid one car isn't going to cut it.  Egyptian Pharoahs were buried with everything they could possibly need once they crossed over, including servants, pets and a toilet.  The tomb of Tutankhamun, who was just a minor ruler, contained over 3,500 items. So the Count better get to work.









Daily Mail: Brazilian businessman inspired by Egypt's Pharoahs...

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Japanese Hot Tub Monkeys

Commonly known as "Snow Monkeys,"Japanese macaque monkeys love nothing more than bathing in soothing hot springs.  In Japan's Jigokudani Monkey Park outside of the city of Nagano, tourists can watch these highly intelligent primates soak, relax, groom each other, and live the good life at their monkeys-only spa.  The macaques pretty much ignore the shivering tourists bundled up in coats and scarves giggling and photographing them. Don't get me wrong - I would definitely visit, but it does make you wonder who is the more advanced species here.

A tourism website for the park says, "Around 160 monkeys are living here in the moment.  You can see them every day."  Clearly, they meant to say "at" the moment, but the typo is apt.  Snow monkeys have their priorities straight: spending time with their group of family and friends, hanging out in the hot tub, and making sure their hair (fur) always looks fantastic.







Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Fainting Goats Festival!

If you're free September 27th and 28th and can get yourself to Lewisburg, Tennessee, I highly suggest you check out "Goats Music and More," the world's only festival celebrating fainting goats.  Also called "nervous goats" or "wooden leg goats," this special breed is prone to panic attacks.  When an episode occurs, all the fainting goat's muscles freeze and become so stiff that he falls over.  The syndrome is most common among the younger of the nervous goats.  When they get older and wiser, they sometimes can brace themselves against a barn or a fence.

The festival takes place in an area of Tennessee where these neurotic, little goats originated.  According to the festival's website, the slate of fun includes plenty of goat displays, food, arts & crafts, childrens' activities, and "acoustic, bluegrass, country, and rock and roll music."  As if this wasn't enough, the festival is free.

And come one, where else can you see The Charlie Daniels Band AND fainting goat shows in one venue?







Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay

Cornelius is a brown and furry, introverted rhesus macaque monkey who happens to also be famous for spending four years as a fugitive in South Florida!  Under the moniker "The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay," Cornelius continually eluded wildlife officials trying to trap him until he was finally caught in St. Petersburg in 2012...and found to have contracted Herpes B.  Ouch.

Despite the herpes, the zoo that finally re-incarcerated the Dr. Richard Kimble of primates has announced that they have found Cornelius a suitable female mate.  So far, the lucky lady's identity remains secret, but zoo officials did say that she is a perfect companion because of her similar "social habits."  If that's true, it sounds like there may soon be a whole family of rhesus monkeys on the lam.









Mystery Monkey Might Mate in Tampa Area Zoo

Monday, September 16, 2013

The woman with the longest last name in America

Move over, Beezow Doo-doo Zoppittybop-bop-bop! Mrs.Janice "Lokelani" Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele is the reigning queen of long,confusing names, and you can't even compete.  This Hawaiian lady doesn't understand why her county government has trouble fitting her nineteen syllable last name on her driver's license, and now she's complaining to the press.  Wow. Doesn't Mrs. Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele realize she's dealing with the DMV?

Nakia Grimes tried to get her driver's license renewed in Georgia, the DMV told her to go get a pap smear to prove she was a woman!  Of course, they later relented because there is documentary proof that Grimes has given birth. See, Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele?  It could be a lot worse.

And just in case you're wondering, Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele is pronounced: KAY'-ee-hah-nah-EE'-coo-COW'-ah-KAH'-hee-HOO'-lee-heh-eh-KAH'-how-NAH-eh-leh.  This name makes Beezow Doo-doo Zoppittybop-bop-bop sound like John Smith.


Woman's Last Name Doesn't Fit on a Driver's License

Friday, September 13, 2013

The amazing Arctic Woolly-Bear Caterpillar

Arctic woolly-bear caterpillars are fascinating creatures.  Before transforming into moths, they spend most of their life frozen solid like Hans Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. When the upper Artic winter chill starts, the caterpillar takes refuge under a rock where he will nonetheless freeze like a little hairy popsicle.

In fact, Arctic woolly-bear caterpillars spend 90% of their lives frozen!  The resilient little creature survives by producing natural anti-freeze that keeps it alive in temperatures up to -60 degrees centigrade.  This amazing adaptation helps the Arctic woolly-bear avoid exploding from the inside like a cracked ice cube.

Then after fourteen years of being practically dead most of the year,  this superbug turns into a moth and simply flies away.  Incredible!

I hope he flies somewhere a little warmer.













Gynaephora groenlandica

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Chicago Joe and Boxcar Willemina, the Hobo Kittens

Two disheveled and dehydrated kittens were recently discovered stowed away after a five day train ride from Chicago, Illinois to Edmonton, Canada.  Dubbed Chicago Joe and Boxcar Willemina by their rescuers, the origin of the traveling kittens is unknown.  Needless to say, they did not have tickets or passports.  It's anyone's guess why these adorable hobos were trying to hop the border.













Kittens Survive 5-Day Train Ride from Chicago to Canada

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Patrick Neal Schumacher, the Drunken Horseman

Every once in a while, you lose your driver's license over some silly DUI and have to ride your horse to your brother's wedding.  Patrick Neal Schumacher didn't let his suspended license stop him from making the 600 mile journey to his brother's nuptials in Bryce, Utah.  He did what any real American would do.  He strapped his trusty pet pug into his backpack, gingerly placed his pistol in his saddlebag, and grabbed a couple of six packs of beer.  Anyone who's ever ridden more than a few miles on a horse would concede that he was going to need it.

To get into the wedding spirit and make his journey more tolerable, Schumacher drank a couple of cans while he trotted along.  Unfortunately, he was riding through Boulder, Colorado, and the buzzkill authorities arrested him for occasionally swaying into traffic on his stallion.  Give a cowboy a break, guys!  A horse has a mind of its own.  You can't expect it to stay in a straight line all the way to Utah.

Here's hoping Schumacher makes it to the big day somehow.










Man accused of drunken horseback ride with dog

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Roger Buchko, Master Craftsman

Lopatcong Township, New Jersey resident Roger Buchko recently built himself a giant mailbox shaped like a .44 Smith & Wesson revolver.  The mailbox was modeled on his own handgun and accepts mail into the muzzle.

The Northwestern New Jersey postal authorities approved Buchko's project prior to installation and continue to give the mailbox their complete support.  In fact, the local postmaster described the well-crafted Magnum replica as "innovative" in an interview with The Express-Times and compared it to mailboxes shaped as fish or cartoon characters.

Buchko asserts that he did not build the mailbox as a political statement on gun rights but as a vehicle to showcase his skills as a craftsman.  The semi-retired cabinet maker thought the eye-catching lawn ornament might get him some attention and win him some commissions.  So best of luck to Roger!

But more importantly, where are all these mailboxes shaped like fish and cartoon characters hiding?



Monday, September 9, 2013

Today's Wackadoodle - Hogzilla

Dallas, Texas has a problem with feral pigs.  The exploding population roams the metro area digging holes, breaking things, and generally reminding residents of the song "Hakuna Matata" from The Lion King.  The marauding swine have caused so many problems that the city has hired trapper Osvaldo Rojas and given him three years to turn the vandals into delicious bacon.

This story brings to mind the 2004 news sensation HOGZILLA, an enormous wild boar and domestic pig lovechild who measured between seven and nine feet and weighed 800 pounds.  When Hogzilla originally came on the scene, he was considered by many to be a hoax.  However, scientists in 2005 confirmed that Hogzilla was a real, very large creature.  Then in 2007, an eleven-year-old Alabama boy claimed to have killed Hogzilla II, a feral pig weighing over 1,000 pounds, after shooting it eight times with a pistol.

There are approximately three million feral pigs in Texas today.  With the high number of hogs Osvaldo Rojas will be trapping, I'd say he has a good chance of finding Hogzilla III.


Friday, September 6, 2013

William T. Woodward, the preemptive murderer

Floridian William T. Woodward claims he took a page from President George W. Bush's playbook when he "preemptively" shot three of his neighbors at a Labor Day BBQ.  There had been an ongoing feud between Woodward and the three victims, and Woodward alleges the three men had recently threatened they were going "to get him."  According to his attorneys, Woodward ambushed and shot the three men as a preventative measure.  Two of the men died; the third incredibly survived despite being shot eleven times.

Woodward's legal team argued that his psychotic attack was justified under Florida's controversial "Stand Your Ground" law, which allows deadly force in the face of an imminent threat.  His attorneys also cited "The Bush Doctrine," which was used to justify the invasion of Iraq!  The foreign policy principle dictates that the United States should overthrow foreign governments that threaten US national security, even if the threat is not imminent.  

These legal eagles apparently do not see the difference between the two situations!











Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Magical Narwhal

The unicorns of the sea, Narwhal whales are medium-sized, live in the Arctic, and are potentially magical. Male Narwhals exhibit a spiral tusk between five and ten feet long; the tusk is actually a tooth and much more lightweight than it looks.  The whales use the tusks to break up sea ice or for fencing matches with other Narwhals.

Legends associated with Narwhals exist in several cultures.  Most notably, Narwhal tusks have often been mistaken for the horns of mythical unicorns.  In Medieval Europe, the tusks were believed to cure depression, though it may have been that finding physical evidence for the existence of unicorns simply cheered people up.













http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narwhal



Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Today's Wackadoodle - Mayor Stubbs

A yellow tabby cat who also happens to be the Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, is recovering today after a brutal attack.  An as yet unidentified local dog ambushed and mauled the long-time Mayor Saturday while he was making his nightly rounds of the town.  Mayor Stubbs suffered serious injuries and had to be placed on a breathing tube.

The brave cat has been successfully governing the town of 800 humans for nearly 16 years.  He was first elected as a write-in candidate when he was only a kitten and has continually proven himself more capable than any available humans.  Under his rule, the tourist town has thrived as a base for expeditions to Mt. McKinley.  Despite Stubb's quirks, such as his insistence on drinking his catnip and water mixture out of a wine glass, the Mayor is considered an effective leader and a positive representative of Talkeetna.

Even though Mayor Stubbs has always enjoyed strong support among the voters, the town is also home to over 800 dogs.  After 16 years living under feline rule, slowly simmering tensions in the canine community may finally be coming to a head.  This weekend's assassination attempt has come as a shock to the townsfolk, who previously believed that the dogs in Talkeetna all respected the Mayor's authority.    

Our thoughts are with Mayor Stubbs as he continues to recover.








Tuesday, September 3, 2013

William H. Mumler, ghost photographer

Mostly forgotten today, William H. Mumler (1832–1884) was the post-Civil War inventor of "Spirit Photography," a groundbreaking development process that revealed the ghost of a loved one hovering behind the subject in the photograph.  The first ever "spirit portrait" was a photo of Mumler himself, which when developed clearly showed the specter of his long-deceased cousin in the background.  He went on to create famous "spirit photographs" such as Mary Todd Lincoln with the ghost of Abraham Lincoln behind her.  Though the art form is now discredited, Mumler's business thrived in his heyday.  Following The Civil War, there was no shortage of Americans grieving their lost loved ones, all potential customers.  Mumler's clientele was desperate for a final glimpse of the dearly departed.

The ghost photo business wasn't all rosy, though.  In 1869, Mumler went on trial for fraud plagued by accusations that he had broken into clients' homes to steal photos of their relatives and that the ghosts in the photographs were simply live models.  P.T. Barnum, founder of the Barnum and Bailey Circus, testified against Mumler at the trial and criticized him for exploiting grieving, vulnerable people.  Though Barnum had duped the public early in his own career with such hoaxes as the Feejee Mermaid (actually a monkey) and General Tom Thumb (a five year old dwarf who impersonated a grown man by drinking wine and smoking cigars, which he attested to enjoy), Barnum believed he had been providing harmless entertainment for the public.  Mumler, on the other hand, he argued was inflicting permanent emotional damage on his customers.
















http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_H._Mumler