The "Bread & Briefs" Thief

I feel a little guilty posting about the man in New York who went out for the day wearing only his underwear, stole a bread truck, and started making deliveries.  He sounds less wackadoodle than certifiably crazy, and I really don't want to make fun of a sick man. But I have overruled my conscience, because what this bandit did was sort of poignant.

The 30 year old, scantily clad Long Island man in question stole a bakery delivery truck filled with approximately $8,000 of fancy bread and started making the deliveries based on the route posted inside the truck.  After a few drop-offs, he went rogue and started throwing the bread out the window like a paper boy. Once he ran out of projectile baguettes, he began tailgating and harassing a limo driver, seemingly for no reason, which led to his eventual apprehension and arrest.

I love the accelerated rate of transformations this failed criminal experienced. He started out wanting to be a car thief, but somehow, was seduced by the prospect of a straight life as a bakery deliveryman. For a while, he tried to fulfill this fantasy of a stable, scheduled existence, trudging along, visiting his regular customers, offering a friendly wave - albeit in his underwear. But the monotony got to him, and in minutes he flashed forward to a midlife crisis-style nervous breakdown. Then he went into class warfare mode and started harassing a limousine. But this ultimately did nothing to irritate the fat cats.  The limo was empty, and he only ended up harassing the chauffeur and making life harder for a fellow working man.

A failure on all fronts.

http://gothamist.com/2014/05/21/man_steals_upper_east_side_bread_tr.php#.

Rob Ford Vanishes!

For those of you keeping up with your Rob Ford news, everyone's favorite crack-smoking alcoholic who is also in charge of a major Canadian metropolis has gone missing. Sound the Amber Ale alert!

Toronto's notorious but strangely lovable Mayor suffered further embarrassment recently when yet another video surfaced of the eccentric politician smoking crack cocaine. If this footage keeps popping up at this rate, there will be enough material for a "Rob Ford Smokes Crack" boxset to bring to the White Elephant party next Christmas. But in the meantime, the Mayor must be found!

Ford's recent disappearance from City Hall has all the villagers guessing where he could be hiding. His fiercely loyal brother claims the Mayor has entered an alcohol rehab program in Chicago; the only catch is that there is no alcohol treatment facility fitting his description in Chicago.  Border agents for the U.S. say there is suggestive evidence that the Mayor never even crossed the border.  So where is Mayor Ford?  Surely, all the crackhouses in Canada have already been checked. Is he holed up in a basement somewhere? Running around Toronto in a clever disguise? Let's get looking.

The Valais Blacknose Sheep

This type of sheep looks like a cross between a child's stuffed animal and a cartoon drawing of a sheep.  The audaciously cute (though fake-looking) creature dwells in the Valais region of Switzerland, hence the name.  Fun fact: Valais is famous as the home of the Matterhorn, one of the highest peaks in The Alps and the inspiration for a pretty fun ride at Disneyland. But back to the animals...

Let's take a look at some typical sheep:

Pretty basic.  Now, brace yourself for the Valais Blacknose Sheep:

Woah!  What an improvement!

I wish all sheep looked like this.