Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The "Bread & Briefs" Thief

I feel a little guilty posting about the man in New York who went out for the day wearing only his underwear, stole a bread truck, and started making deliveries.  He sounds less wackadoodle than certifiably crazy, and I really don't want to make fun of a sick man. But I have overruled my conscience, because what this bandit did was sort of poignant.

The 30 year old, scantily clad Long Island man in question stole a bakery delivery truck filled with approximately $8,000 of fancy bread and started making the deliveries based on the route posted inside the truck.  After a few drop-offs, he went rogue and started throwing the bread out the window like a paper boy. Once he ran out of projectile baguettes, he began tailgating and harassing a limo driver, seemingly for no reason, which led to his eventual apprehension and arrest.

I love the accelerated rate of transformations this failed criminal experienced. He started out wanting to be a car thief, but somehow, was seduced by the prospect of a straight life as a bakery deliveryman. For a while, he tried to fulfill this fantasy of a stable, scheduled existence, trudging along, visiting his regular customers, offering a friendly wave - albeit in his underwear. But the monotony got to him, and in minutes he flashed forward to a midlife crisis-style nervous breakdown. Then he went into class warfare mode and started harassing a limousine. But this ultimately did nothing to irritate the fat cats.  The limo was empty, and he only ended up harassing the chauffeur and making life harder for a fellow working man.

A failure on all fronts.












http://gothamist.com/2014/05/21/man_steals_upper_east_side_bread_tr.php#.



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