The Republic of Užupis

"Everyone has a right to live by the River Vilnelé, and the River Vilnelé has a right to flow by everyone."  So begins the official constitution of the tiny Republic of Užupis.  Founded by artists and dreamers, the 148 acre enclave is located within the city of Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania.

Užupis officially declared itself a republic in 1997. Its constitution contains 39 articles, including "A dog has the right to be a dog."  Užupis also has its own flag, currency, government, national anthem, minuscule army, and occasionally stamps passports.

When my husband and I visited the Republic in the summer of 2012, we tried our best to look nonchalant as we searched Užupis for what we had heard was a "secret sculpture garden of penises."  We couldn't find it.  But we did find a stack of debris that upon closer inspection included disassembled penis sculptures!  If the sculpture garden will one day be reassembled must remain a mystery until our next visit.

Today's Wackadoodle - Count Chiquinho Scarpa

An eccentric Brazilian tycoon known as Count Scarpa is busy today preparing to bury his $500,000 Bentley so he can drive it in the afterlife. After watching a television show about Egyptian Pharaohs, Count Scarpa rented a bulldozer and started digging a hole in his garden for the prized vehicle.  But wait, does Scarpa also intend to be buried in the back yard? The Pharoahs' whole system was to be entombed with their possessions. Someone needs to tell Count Cuckoo that his plan may not work otherwise.

Among Chiquinho Scarpa's other achievements, he owns a bird with her own business cards and escaped death after he contracted deadly bacteria and slipped into a coma. His condition was so serious that a priest came in and anointed him for the Last Rites - twice.

The brush with death may have inspired the Count's new preoccupation with the afterlife. But if he wants to be like the Pharoahs, I'm afraid one car isn't going to cut it.  Egyptian Pharoahs were buried with everything they could possibly need once they crossed over, including servants, pets and a toilet.  The tomb of Tutankhamun, who was just a minor ruler, contained over 3,500 items. So the Count better get to work.

Daily Mail: Brazilian businessman inspired by Egypt's Pharoahs...

Japanese Hot Tub Monkeys

Commonly known as "Snow Monkeys,"Japanese macaque monkeys love nothing more than bathing in soothing hot springs.  In Japan's Jigokudani Monkey Park outside of the city of Nagano, tourists can watch these highly intelligent primates soak, relax, groom each other, and live the good life at their monkeys-only spa.  The macaques pretty much ignore the shivering tourists bundled up in coats and scarves giggling and photographing them. Don't get me wrong - I would definitely visit, but it does make you wonder who is the more advanced species here.

A tourism website for the park says, "Around 160 monkeys are living here in the moment.  You can see them every day."  Clearly, they meant to say "at" the moment, but the typo is apt.  Snow monkeys have their priorities straight: spending time with their group of family and friends, hanging out in the hot tub, and making sure their hair (fur) always looks fantastic.

Fainting Goats Festival!

If you're free September 27th and 28th and can get yourself to Lewisburg, Tennessee, I highly suggest you check out "Goats Music and More," the world's only festival celebrating fainting goats.  Also called "nervous goats" or "wooden leg goats," this special breed is prone to panic attacks.  When an episode occurs, all the fainting goat's muscles freeze and become so stiff that he falls over.  The syndrome is most common among the younger of the nervous goats.  When they get older and wiser, they sometimes can brace themselves against a barn or a fence.

The festival takes place in an area of Tennessee where these neurotic, little goats originated.  According to the festival's website, the slate of fun includes plenty of goat displays, food, arts & crafts, childrens' activities, and "acoustic, bluegrass, country, and rock and roll music."  As if this wasn't enough, the festival is free.

And come one, where else can you see The Charlie Daniels Band AND fainting goat shows in one venue?

The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay

Cornelius is a brown and furry, introverted rhesus macaque monkey who happens to also be famous for spending four years as a fugitive in South Florida!  Under the moniker "The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay," Cornelius continually eluded wildlife officials trying to trap him until he was finally caught in St. Petersburg in 2012...and found to have contracted Herpes B.  Ouch.

Despite the herpes, the zoo that finally re-incarcerated the Dr. Richard Kimble of primates has announced that they have found Cornelius a suitable female mate.  So far, the lucky lady's identity remains secret, but zoo officials did say that she is a perfect companion because of her similar "social habits."  If that's true, it sounds like there may soon be a whole family of rhesus monkeys on the lam.

Mystery Monkey Might Mate in Tampa Area Zoo

The woman with the longest last name in America

Move over, Beezow Doo-doo Zoppittybop-bop-bop! Mrs.Janice "Lokelani" Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele is the reigning queen of long,confusing names, and you can't even compete.  This Hawaiian lady doesn't understand why her county government has trouble fitting her nineteen syllable last name on her driver's license, and now she's complaining to the press.  Wow. Doesn't Mrs. Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele realize she's dealing with the DMV?

Nakia Grimes tried to get her driver's license renewed in Georgia, the DMV told her to go get a pap smear to prove she was a woman!  Of course, they later relented because there is documentary proof that Grimes has given birth. See, Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele?  It could be a lot worse.

And just in case you're wondering, Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele is pronounced: KAY'-ee-hah-nah-EE'-coo-COW'-ah-KAH'-hee-HOO'-lee-heh-eh-KAH'-how-NAH-eh-leh.  This name makes Beezow Doo-doo Zoppittybop-bop-bop sound like John Smith.


Woman's Last Name Doesn't Fit on a Driver's License

The amazing Arctic Woolly-Bear Caterpillar

Arctic woolly-bear caterpillars are fascinating creatures.  Before transforming into moths, they spend most of their life frozen solid like Hans Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. When the upper Artic winter chill starts, the caterpillar takes refuge under a rock where he will nonetheless freeze like a little hairy popsicle.

In fact, Arctic woolly-bear caterpillars spend 90% of their lives frozen!  The resilient little creature survives by producing natural anti-freeze that keeps it alive in temperatures up to -60 degrees centigrade.  This amazing adaptation helps the Arctic woolly-bear avoid exploding from the inside like a cracked ice cube.

Then after fourteen years of being practically dead most of the year,  this superbug turns into a moth and simply flies away.  Incredible!

I hope he flies somewhere a little warmer.

Gynaephora groenlandica

Chicago Joe and Boxcar Willemina, the Hobo Kittens

Two disheveled and dehydrated kittens were recently discovered stowed away after a five day train ride from Chicago, Illinois to Edmonton, Canada.  Dubbed Chicago Joe and Boxcar Willemina by their rescuers, the origin of the traveling kittens is unknown.  Needless to say, they did not have tickets or passports.  It's anyone's guess why these adorable hobos were trying to hop the border.

Kittens Survive 5-Day Train Ride from Chicago to Canada

Patrick Neal Schumacher, the Drunken Horseman

Every once in a while, you lose your driver's license over some silly DUI and have to ride your horse to your brother's wedding.  Patrick Neal Schumacher didn't let his suspended license stop him from making the 600 mile journey to his brother's nuptials in Bryce, Utah.  He did what any real American would do.  He strapped his trusty pet pug into his backpack, gingerly placed his pistol in his saddlebag, and grabbed a couple of six packs of beer.  Anyone who's ever ridden more than a few miles on a horse would concede that he was going to need it.

To get into the wedding spirit and make his journey more tolerable, Schumacher drank a couple of cans while he trotted along.  Unfortunately, he was riding through Boulder, Colorado, and the buzzkill authorities arrested him for occasionally swaying into traffic on his stallion.  Give a cowboy a break, guys!  A horse has a mind of its own.  You can't expect it to stay in a straight line all the way to Utah.

Here's hoping Schumacher makes it to the big day somehow.

Man accused of drunken horseback ride with dog

Roger Buchko, Master Craftsman

Lopatcong Township, New Jersey resident Roger Buchko recently built himself a giant mailbox shaped like a .44 Smith & Wesson revolver.  The mailbox was modeled on his own handgun and accepts mail into the muzzle.

The Northwestern New Jersey postal authorities approved Buchko's project prior to installation and continue to give the mailbox their complete support.  In fact, the local postmaster described the well-crafted Magnum replica as "innovative" in an interview with The Express-Times and compared it to mailboxes shaped as fish or cartoon characters.

Buchko asserts that he did not build the mailbox as a political statement on gun rights but as a vehicle to showcase his skills as a craftsman.  The semi-retired cabinet maker thought the eye-catching lawn ornament might get him some attention and win him some commissions.  So best of luck to Roger!

But more importantly, where are all these mailboxes shaped like fish and cartoon characters hiding?