The Blue-Footed Booby

A type of seabird, the Blue-footed Booby is most famously associated with the Galapagos Islands, where the species was first studied by Charles Darwin.  They are also famous for their intriguing mating ritual.  Male Blue-footed Boobys attract mates by showcasing their bright blue feet in a sexy dance.  The dance may appear awkward to humans, as seabirds are quite clumsy on land and have been compared to drunken clowns staggering about.

When dancing, the brightness of the suitor's feet is very important.  Dullness of the pigmentation is a sign of ill health, and females only lay their largest eggs for beaus who display brilliant blue hues.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue-footed_Booby

The town of Tenterden

The 7,735 residents of Tenterden, England have all gone a little loopy.  The County Kent town has just finished putting up its Christmas lights.  We've all heard gripes about Christmas decorations going up earlier and earlier, but the Tenterdens have taken it to a whole new level.  It's August!

Apparently, the majority of Tenterden's town Christmas lights were stolen last year before they had a chance to put up the holiday display.  The ingenious townsfolk came up with the "Christmas in August" plan to fool any would-be thieves this year, who they speculated would still be busy stealing beach balls and swimwear.

The Telegraph: Kent town is first in country to put up Christmas lights - 121 days early

Today's Wackadoodle - Kim Jong-un

While it's well known that North Korea's Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un is a grade A Wackadoodle, news broke today that he's done something shocking even for him.   Nine days ago, Kim Jong-un had his ex-girlfriend and several other members of her music group Unhasu Orchestra executed by firing squad.  The twelve victims, all singers, musicians and dancers, were accused of making their own porno film and selling it in China.  Hyon Song-wol, Kim's former lover, was a singer in the popular group responsible for such hits as "Footsteps of Soldiers," "She is a Discharged Soldier," "We are Troops of the Party," and Hyon's megahit "Excellent Horse-Like Lady."  

Other North Korean pop stars were forced to watch the executions and then deported to work camps, deemed guilt by association.  One former member of the Unhasu Orchestra not deemed guilty by association, however, is Kim Jong-un's wife Ri Sol-ju, which has lead to speculation that jealousy may have been a motive for the killings.  

Kim Jong-un is of course the son of the departed Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, who famously filled his belly with one million dollars of cognac while the North Korean people were eating bark.  Kim Jong-un has only been Supreme Leading the isolated nation since 2011, but he is not wasting time in his quest to live up to his father's crazy legacy.  Despite his youth and inexperience, he has already threatened to nuke Austin, Texas, attempted to build his own Swiss-style ski resort, and struck up a friendship with Dennis Rodman.

The Emperor Tamarin Monkey

Also known as the Mustachioed Emperor Tamarin, this tiny monkey is mainly found in the South American rainforest.  The Emperor Tamarin spends his time jumping from tree to tree, organizing mixers with the Brown-Mantled Tamarin, and of course grooming his beautiful, giant mustache!

The Emperor Tamarin is rumored to be named after German WWI leader Emperor Wilhelm II, who had a thick, upturned mustache. Critics of the Wilhelm II theory dismiss this possibility and say the monkey is obviously named for famous workaholic Emperor Franz Joseph, who ruled the Austro-Hungarian empire from 1848-1916 and had a much bushier mustache.

John Harvey Kellogg

John Harvey Kellogg (1852-1943) was a busy guy.  He was a fanatical promoter of yogurt enemas, one of history's most extreme opponents of masturbation, and the co-inventor of corn flakes.  

He first gained fame for running the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan, which was a veritable temple to enemas.  Among Kellogg's favorite methods were a machine that rapidly shot gallons of water up the bum, and the yogurt enema, in which a patient would eat half a container of yogurt and the other half would, of course, be shot up his or her bum.  Apparently, celebrity patients from President William Howard Taft to Amelia Earhart to arctic explorers signed up for this cutting edge treatment.

Kellogg also promoted vegetarianism and believed two healthy, basic meals a day would reduce sexual urges, which Kellogg sought to stamp out by any means possible, even among married couples.  He was a fanatical opponent of masturbation and strongly advocated genital mutilation of both sexes to disrupt the practice, promising that it would be even more successful if anesthetic was not  used!  JHK also suggested binding children's hands, covering their private parts with patented cages and electroshock therapy to stop the little ones from touching themselves.  He wrote several books full of similar creepy advice.

Just to top it off, Kellogg supported eugenics, forced sterilization of members of undesirable gene pools, and co-founded the "Race Betterment Foundation."

Despite his busy schedule, he also found time to co-invent Corn Flakes with his much less freaky brother W.K.  Kellogg.  So just remember that the funding for corn flakes came from genital mutilation and blasting yogurt up wealthy buttholes.  I'm sticking with Shredded Wheat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg

Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop

Madison, Wisconsin native Beezow Doo-doo Zoppittybop-bop-bop has landed in the news repeatedly this year for spicing up routine marijuana possession charges with a name straight out of Mary Poppins. Beezow, formerly saddled with the stupid name "Jeff," completed his legal name change in 2011.

He broke down the meaning of his name for the State Journal newspaper:

BEEZOW = 'the explosion of awareness of the interconnectedness of the infinite love in the universe'

DOO-DOO = 'the struggle of our daily lives with that awareness, that with love comes chaos'

ZOPPITYBOP-BOP-BOP = 'the outcome of that struggle, which is often ironic, especially because all life ends in death'

Mr. Zoppittybop-bop-bop admits he has mental health problems but disputes a diagnosis of schizophrenia. I'm inclined to agree with him.  I think he's just a modern day philosopher.

And as if he didn't have enough problems, Wikipedia is threatening to delete his page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beezow_Doo-doo_Zopittybop-bop-bop

Today's Wackadoodle - Avelino Urbano Garon

Florida native Avelino Urbano Garon (or AUG) recently threatened to kill his wife over dirty kitty litter. AUG thinks changing cat litter is woman's work!  When the cat litter wasn't maintained to his satisfaction, he skipped all the usual steps and threatened to murder his better half with a knife.  He is now facing assault charges, but maintains as his defense that we all just don't understand how big of a deal dirty cat litter really is.

Florida Man Threatened to Kill Wife Over Dirty Cat Litter: Police

This Bird admiring his reflection and his awesome orange mohawk

This Woodpecker really likes looking at himself in the mirror.  Can you blame him?

Volkan T., who threw a one-man rave in a German government jet

German/Turkish bodybuilder Volkan T. knows how to throw a party.  While high on a cornucopia of drugs in July, Volkan snuck past security in a German government airfield and threw himself a raucous, old school rave in Chancellor Angela Merkel's jet.  He stripped down to his underpants, sprayed fire extinguisher foam around to perfect the club atmosphere, danced on the wing and pushed all the cockpit buttons. Unfortunately, one of the buttons was an alarm. That didn't stop Volkan for raging and dancing for nearly another three hours, until he was finally found and slightly mauled by police dogs.

Spiegel Online: Man in Underpants Partied in Merkel's Jet