Is there anything creepier than a fish with human-looking teeth? How about a fish with human-like teeth who is also a relative of man-eating piranhas? If your nightmares have gotten a little stale lately and you're looking for some good fodder, meet the Pacu fish.
This fish could borrow your bottom retainer, and there is something very, very wrong about that. The good news is that pacu fish, unlike their evil piranha cousins, are vegetarians. They do not have any reason to bite you, and they don't want to eat you. I promise. But despite their relative harmlessness, pacu fish have been making a scary splash in the news lately.
The headlines started getting out of control ever since rumors emerged that the fish were known to attack fishermen's testicles in South America. The Danish government even jumped on the bandwagon and warned male swimmers to keep their swim suits "tightly tied" after a pacu fish was spotted in Scandinavian waters. This announcement was later disclaimed as being more of a joke than serious advice, but that hasn't stopped the headline millers from having a field day. And we have no shortage of examples:
Toothy pacu fish caught in Swedish waters; skinny dippers are warned
Never mind the pollocks: Testicle-eating pacu fish found in Paris could be coming to the UK
Now testicle-eating fish related to the piranha is caught in NEW JERSEY lake weeks after it was found in France
Watch Out, New Jersey: The Testicle-Eating Pacu Fish Is Here to Eat Your Balls
Testicle-Biting Fish May Be Invading Denmark
Killer fish with teeth? Danish swimmers escape water fearing killer...
Swedish men warned of crotch-chomping fish
This fish could borrow your bottom retainer, and there is something very, very wrong about that. The good news is that pacu fish, unlike their evil piranha cousins, are vegetarians. They do not have any reason to bite you, and they don't want to eat you. I promise. But despite their relative harmlessness, pacu fish have been making a scary splash in the news lately.
The headlines started getting out of control ever since rumors emerged that the fish were known to attack fishermen's testicles in South America. The Danish government even jumped on the bandwagon and warned male swimmers to keep their swim suits "tightly tied" after a pacu fish was spotted in Scandinavian waters. This announcement was later disclaimed as being more of a joke than serious advice, but that hasn't stopped the headline millers from having a field day. And we have no shortage of examples:
Toothy pacu fish caught in Swedish waters; skinny dippers are warned
Never mind the pollocks: Testicle-eating pacu fish found in Paris could be coming to the UK
Now testicle-eating fish related to the piranha is caught in NEW JERSEY lake weeks after it was found in France
Watch Out, New Jersey: The Testicle-Eating Pacu Fish Is Here to Eat Your Balls
Testicle-Biting Fish May Be Invading Denmark
Killer fish with teeth? Danish swimmers escape water fearing killer...
Swedish men warned of crotch-chomping fish
Wait, now I actually feel bad for the pacu fish. This is a media smear campaign if I've ever seen one. Fortunately, CNN found a pacu expert who says this is all a misunderstanding and pacu fish are peaceful creatures who just love swimming around and eating the fallen fruits and nuts from riverbank trees. Hmmm...hold on again. Pacu love chomping fallen fruits and nuts, both of which are kind of round like a man's balls; I don't think this is going to reassure anyone!
The smear campaign continues.
The smear campaign continues.
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