Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Paradise Newland & her Dolphin Doulas

Have you ever wondered why you have to give birth surrounded by boring humans? Instead of a midwife, why not a bobcat? Instead of a doctor, why not a duck? If you are so far out that this makes sense to you, you may be the perfect client for the Sirius Institute for dolphin-assisted birth.

Paradise Newland, also known as Star Newland, is the founder of the Sirius Institute and will be  happy to set you up with an underwater birth surrounded by dolphins in Hawaii. Maybe that's just what you've been looking for to spice up the otherwise humdrum miracle of life, but let's take a closer look. Is this a good idea - newborn + wild animals?

Paradise/Star certainly thinks so. On her website, she claims that babies born among dolphins develop faster, have heavier brains, and are ambidextrous(!) Ms. Newland also says "research sufficient for us," i.e. research that personally convinced Paradise Newland, proves dolphins can help heal depression, autism, Down's syndrome, and cerebral palsy.

But what if you still aren't convinced? Paradise warns that if you have a dolphin-free birth and get an epidural, your child is 3 times more likely to be a drug addict. Ouch!

Of course, there are also reasons why you might not want to pass your placenta into dolphin-infested waters. The New York Times reported research that concluded "dolphins seem to have murderous urges unrelated to the need for food," and also cited scientists who have seen evidence of dolphin infanticide, i.e. dolphins murdering newborn dolphins. There is also evidence dolphins kill baby porpoises. Hmmm, how many different species of babies do dolphins need to kill before we can agree they may not make the best doulas?











A pod of dolphins ready to catch your baby

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